Instadeath! 10 ways to guarantee an immediate rejection

Happy Memorial Day everyone, and yes, in hindsight, I can see a tiny bit of irony or tastelessness in the title of this post, but no offense was intended 🙂

Anyhow, today I’d like to mention some of the things I see at Theme of Absence, and some other things right of the top of my head, that may cause a submissions editor or agent reading your query to stop without even finishing a sentence of your manuscript, if it even gets that far.

1. Complete lack of interest in the listed guidelines

Maximum word count, simultaneous subs, multiple subs, reprints, formatting… These things matter. If an editor lists a maximum word count at 5000, and your story is above that word count, then your story will not be read. Follow the guidelines. Don’t think you’re the exception; don’t think your story is so good that an editor doesn’t mind if you ignore the guidelines. If you ignore the guidelines, your story won’t be read. Period.

2. “Not my genre”

Hey, at Theme of Absence, I accept fantasy, science fiction, and horror. You know what happens if you send me a romance story? Or a piece of literary fiction set in 1885 Nebraska with no elements of the paranormal? It gets sent back to you with a “Sorry I don’t publish this type of story.” Nothing against your story, but seriously, make sure that the magazine you’re submitting to publishes the genre you are submitting, or that the agent you are querying represents that genre. Otherwise, you’re not only wasting their time, but your own time as well.

3. Resubmitting (without being asked to)

As the only reader at Theme of Absence, I’ll tell you that if I didn’t like your story the first time, I won’t like it the second time. I’d say 99.9% of all submission editors will tell you the same thing. Same with literary agents. No means no. The exception to the rule is this: If your story was close and the agent or editor specifically tells you to make some changes and resubmit, than by all means make those changes and resubmit. But to do it without being asked is an instadeath for your story or query, and may even burn some bridges with whoever you are submitting to.

4. Child abuse

This is a tricky one, because sometimes child abuse can play a huge part in a character’s backstory. Obviously, a story about child abuse can also be used to promote awareness and attempt to combat it. What I think a lot of publishers don’t want to see is gratuitous, graphic depictions of kids getting hurt. So I guess, be careful. If you’re opening your story with a kid getting tortured, I’m pretty sure that first reader won’t want to go to far into the story.

5. Sexual abuse

This is another one of those things that might help a character’s backstory. But in general I think it’s a safe assumption to “tell, not show” when this comes up. If a character is sexually assaulted, most decent people don’t need to know all of the details and most editors would feel the same way. So try not to overdo it when describing sexual violence in your fiction, and if the victim is a child, stay away from it all together.

6. Poems

When it comes to poetry, assume the answer is “no” unless it is specifically mentioned in the guidelines. Some magazines will publish poetry and prose. Some agents may represent collections of poetry alongside with novels. Most won’t, and we all know what happens if the wrong person reads your poems:

7. Fanfic / fairy tale retelling

I haven’t seen a lot of fan fiction at Theme of Absence (thank goodness!) but I do see far too many fairy tale retelling. Now, I know there can be well-written fan fiction. I’ve seriously considered doing it with He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. And I’ve read some great fairy tale retellings at Theme of Absence. But unless the person you’re querying with is down with that stuff, they do not want to read it, and they won’t.

8. Erotica

Here’s all I’ll say about erotica. If you write it, you should know where to send it. Send it to people who want to see it, and that is all.

9. A short story that is part of a series

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. When you send a story that is part of a larger story or series, you are leaving out a lot of backstory and worldbuilding that may be important for the piece you are sending. But I think it also causes problems having scattered pieces of a story, world, or series, published in a lot of random places. It may also hurt the individual markets if, say, the larger piece signs an exclusive contract with a larger publisher, where those characters or that world is all of a sudden no longer legally able to be used elsewhere. In other words, some people might think it’s okay. But for Theme of Absence (if I find out) this is usually an instadeath for the story.

10. Simply not a good fit

This one is kind of random, but let’s face it, everyone has their tastes, and some stories are simply just not a good fit. The editor just might have a thing against talking cats or second person narration. The only way to try to protect yourself from the “not a good fit” rejection is to read some of the stories published at the magazine you’re submitting to, or familiarize yourself with some of the authors the agent you are querying is representing.

So that’s it. I know most of the things in this post are from my own “deal breaker” list, and everyone has their own tastes, but I also think this list is general enough to help you decide if the agent or publisher you are querying is a good fit for your story.

And with that said, I hope you had a great weekend, and wish you happy submitting!

Do you agree with the stuff in this post? Do you disagree with any of the items on the list? Leave a comment and let us know!